Auditions—the ultimate frenemy! If you don’t know what a frenemy is, you need to ask yourself—are you a stranger to this blogger-person? If you know me, you also know your Sex & The City episodes. And the one about the frenemies is the best one. It’s when a Friend + Enemy=The Same Person.
We all have at least one. In Minnesota, usually Frenemies make up around 80% of the people we call friends. Its just in our outstanding passive-aggressive nature.
An audition is so like that. You hate it. But you pretend you love it.
For example, this particular audition, as you know, has been in preparation-mode for almost a damn year.
But...that’s because I wasn’t in shape.
There.
Is.
Nothing.
Worse.
But...that’s because I wasn’t in shape.
Usually it isn’t a whole year of preparation. Anyway, when it comes down to it, I only had 9 minutes to demonstrate my skillz. Yes, with a Z.
The few days leading up to the audition were okay. Waves of nervousness happened, like usual, trips to the bathroom happened, as usual, and bouts of “no talking” definitely happened. For some reason, I shut down the communication panels prior to scary things.
Shh!
I practiced like normal, did all my usual routines, etc. Kept it under control. Didn’t get sick. BUT, I did start to feel some annoying tendonitis-type feeling in my arms the day before. Wait, two days before. I think it was psychological. Sometimes I get that from time to time, but never so severe that a couple days off doesn’t cure it.
The last terrifying thing that started happening the few days before my audition was my reed (singular, since I suck at preparing reeds…I only ever have one good reed at a time, I know, I know…) totally started to thin and it kind of freaked me out. It hung in there, though.
The Tuesday before the audition, my teacher/coach came to my rehearsal w/the pianist. Now, the pianist is somewhat famous in these parts, I guess you could say, and also a huge hippie. He also lives very close to my favorite place ever, Café Latte, in St. Paul. Very convenient for after-rehearsals.
Anyhoo, it was amazing having a real coaching again. It’s been so long! The rehearsal went well, and Teacher did have a few things to tweak—such as being mindful of a couple phrases in the higher registers (which was good b/c I was uncomfortable with the choppiness of a couple bars, but unsure how to fix it…aim for one note!) also suggested a couple balance solutions, and last minute “your G’s are flat,” of which I had several. Afterwards, (the hour FLEW by, more than ever!) she refused payment (!!!!!) which is just amazing. I mean, she did make a special trip to St Paul! So sweet.
Anyhoo, it was amazing having a real coaching again. It’s been so long! The rehearsal went well, and Teacher did have a few things to tweak—such as being mindful of a couple phrases in the higher registers (which was good b/c I was uncomfortable with the choppiness of a couple bars, but unsure how to fix it…aim for one note!) also suggested a couple balance solutions, and last minute “your G’s are flat,” of which I had several. Afterwards, (the hour FLEW by, more than ever!) she refused payment (!!!!!) which is just amazing. I mean, she did make a special trip to St Paul! So sweet.
Friday I had a last rehearsal with Pianist/The Hippie. He asked me at the end, “so like, if you get adrenalineified, which part do you think you’d probably screw up?” OMG. What. Hahah! Ah, subtlety. I told him, “look, I’m not gonna screw up, probably, but if anything I’ll just run out of breath somewhere and possibly faint. In which case, please slow down the accompaniment.” (This is Weber Concerto 2, First Mov’t.) He laughed, we played some spots, and I went home.
Two hours later, Susan & Alicia came by my place and I ran it through for them. (Playing for others is THE BEST thing for nerves!) It went well, and then I collapsed on the couch w/them and we watched Beyonce videos. What?
That night I picked up Ben from the airport (he’d been gone forever!) and despite the little voice in my head telling me to head to bed at 8 pm, we went out for a bite and a glass of wine. Which is exactly what I needed for my nerves, that were starting to come in calculated waves much like contractions, I would have to believe! Seriously! Ben & I had BLT’s & drinks at The Low Brow Bar, caught up with each other, laughed a whole bunch, and after that, I really did sleep soundly! To my surprise!
I woke up very, very early—was wide awake—and really freaked out!—but I did everything according to plan. Warmed up, spot checked, force-fed myself banana bread, two sips of coffee ONLY, then we were out the door. (omgomgomgomgomg!)
I wanted to get there around an hour early to be sure I could get a practice room and just in case my hands got really cold, they’d have enough time to get blood circulating in them again. BUT—we hit major traffic—a really bad accident getting onto 94/35 split. We were nearly stopped for like 15ish minutes. So we arrived later then I would’ve liked, but I still had almost 30 minutes, plus I had already warmed up at home.
Once we arrived, Ben met The Hippie. The Hippie of course loved Ben and complimented his shoes. (?) Okay—hold the phone for a sec—I was 3rd out of about 42 auditions that day. At first I wasn’t too happy about this, but then I thought, hell, it’ll be over sooner AND, not being a morning person, I probably won’t get as nervous. Though I was pretty nervous, I wasn’t unusually nervous. Before I went there were two violinists. One of them gave up her room to me so we could use the piano. That’s how it is in Minnesota—NICE! ;)
The practice room we warmed up in was tiny, tiny, tiny. But, picture this: we fit in The Hippie, with leather jacket, Ben, sitting in a chair pressed up against the door, and I stood, back practically against the other wall, plus a stand in the middle. Elbow almost on The Hippie’s shoulder. But, I wanted Ben in the room because I was noticing he was affecting my blood pressure—in a good way. Maybe it was his flannel shirt.
Then it was time to rock & roll. (Yes, it was kind of a big moment…the whole year I had this goal, after all, right?? All back in shape for this competition. And now down to the last 9 minutes…oh man, that’s some pressure.) Inside the room were (only) two judges. An MPR host guy, who is also a violist, and a voice professor from the U of M. (Uh…how about a wind player? No??? Okay, then…! Grrrr…) The time-keeper in the room was a musician who I know from playing in a different orchestra. So it was super good to have one more friendly face in the room. She took my extra score and she told me, “When you go in, tell them you are #3.” I thought that was kind of funny. Like, hey guys, in case you already lost track if the many, many auditions you’ve heard so far, I’m….#3.
So we (I) take a deep breath and open the door and march in. But, they aren’t looking at me. They are looking at The Hippie. (Oh, I should say, he isn’t dressed like a hippie or anything…he just…is one…) the whole room seemed to know him, and he did NOT seem to remember anyone of them.
Anyway…I slowly/softly tuned, nervously set my stand just right, and then said, “ummmmmmmmm…so...I’m...Number….Three.” And then I thought it was kind of funny, so I laughed a little bit. Oh! Also! Ben totally sat in on my audition! He sat next to my time-keeper friend! That was putting me at ease x2. So after I announced my number, I looked at my friend and maybe sort of said, “hey, at least I got that part right! Right? Haha…?” Ladies & Gentlemen, do not try to amuse the judges.
Anyway…I slowly/softly tuned, nervously set my stand just right, and then said, “ummmmmmmmm…so...I’m...Number….Three.” And then I thought it was kind of funny, so I laughed a little bit. Oh! Also! Ben totally sat in on my audition! He sat next to my time-keeper friend! That was putting me at ease x2. So after I announced my number, I looked at my friend and maybe sort of said, “hey, at least I got that part right! Right? Haha…?” Ladies & Gentlemen, do not try to amuse the judges.
It never works. But, it does work with your friends. Anyway.
What can I say, the piece totally went well! I was sooooooo happy! I screwed up two places. But the first was pretty inaudible—maybe only I heard it. The second place was at the end of the concerto. In the middle of a run, one of my fingers didn’t want to lift up and made one sixteenth note a little longer. But—OMG—that was really it! Everything else went great! Unless, I’m imagining things! The only other thing was this weird/out-of-body experience where I started thinking—as I was playing—“hmmm….the acoustics in this room are kind of weird…hmmmm….what do I need to do….hmmm…how come I can’t play very forte?? Is my piano reaching the back of the room? Hmmm…. Hmmm…hmmm…???” But, then I just saw the flannel shirt in my periphery, sitting next to my time-keeper friend, and I just tried to…have fun!!!!
The piece is very much in the style of Till Eulenspiegel in some momements, with other moments being classic Weber/operatic/cute themes, etc. So, I just try to keep in character. Well, there are a few contrasting characters, which is the trick of the piece, I guess.
The piece is very much in the style of Till Eulenspiegel in some momements, with other moments being classic Weber/operatic/cute themes, etc. So, I just try to keep in character. Well, there are a few contrasting characters, which is the trick of the piece, I guess.
At the end, there are some crazy runs that end on a super high note, then a note higher, and the last even higher than that. The first one….came out! The second one…no problem! The last one—I did it!!! Wahoooooo!!!!!! The last note sailed out and The Hippie pounded out a few last chords and I turned to him and TOTALLY—100%—started clapping for myself/us!
There was no other clapping happening in the room.
**cricket**cricket**tumbleweed across the stage**sound of the wind**ooooweeooooweeoooooou!**
This is the thing about classical music that I don’t get—like, come ON, after that crazy firecworks pieces, we are supposed to pretend like we didn’t just completely play the crap out of it??? Hell no! Even The Hippie was amused! He was like, “YEAHHHHH! ALRIGHT!”
The judges flatly said, “thank you.”
There was no other clapping happening in the room.
**cricket**cricket**tumbleweed across the stage**sound of the wind**ooooweeooooweeoooooou!**
This is the thing about classical music that I don’t get—like, come ON, after that crazy firecworks pieces, we are supposed to pretend like we didn’t just completely play the crap out of it??? Hell no! Even The Hippie was amused! He was like, “YEAHHHHH! ALRIGHT!”
The judges flatly said, “thank you.”
It was just a really satisfying performance. I didn’t screw anything up. Plus, it was awesome. And so much fun. Although it was very scary, too. That’s what I was saying before--scary & fun. Love it & hate it. Auditions=frenemies.
After that, I ran, ahem, sashayed, right out of that room,
hugged The Hippie, and then Ben took me to the nearest Mimosa-station. I mean, it was only 10:30 am. (!!!!!)
We went to Blackbird Café for brunch/decompressing. My mood was like Weeeeeeeeeeee!!! Then craaaaaaaaaaaash!!! The rest of the day I was so happy and exhausted. After drinking mimosas, I did fall asleep. After that I was dragged out to Café Latte. I know, rough life, huh? We met some lovely friends there and had scrumptious pizzas and wine and CHOCOLATE. And I was just so so soooooo relieved.
The next day I did not practice the concerto. I did not practice. I was just happy & content.
But you know, they did not call me. But, I swear to you, I didn’t screw it up. Se la vie.
Hey! Thanks for reading my blog! This chapter is over—and it was a long one—and I’m not sure what the next chapter is, but I’m not ending this blog, I don’t think.
So many more frenemies to write about.
So many more frenemies to write about.
xo
ps: if you want, you can still cross your fingers for me. i haven't heard the official word--they said they'd tell us within a week (I know, right? Grrr...) but, yeah.... :-/
