the few, the proud

Good Afternoon! After our millionth blizzard last weekend, crashing our one-month duet anniversary, we not only got back in the saddle, but totally had a "run through" of our piece. And we are very proud--aren't we Bob??? :)

We certainly aren't "finished" with it, but to get through the whole thing is a great feeling! It is maybe 5 pages long, and about 5 million notes. Per second. It feels like you are exercising when you play it. (I think...? I hate exercising, but I imagine it must be a similar feeling...hehehe...) so we celebrated by going to a great gelato/coffee place in my neighborhood! We had a lovely time chatting away about Martin Frost, conductors, no-conductors, and how we don't know anything about Alexander Technique, but could both probably benefit from it. :)

The come back just might be happening, you guys! I am feeling WAY better clarinet-wise, and I am so much happier and chilled out personally, too.

Just a quick update...now I must finish lessons for my kiddos this week while I obsessively hit refresh on perezhilton.com because we don't get TV** and I must see what Natalie Portman wears at the Oscars!

Ta-ta!

**not for societal disobedient reasons...we're not home that much and it's too damn expensive. besides, i only want to watch law & order, barefoot contessa, and colbert report. xoxo

FOF

Yay, everyone, you can breathe a sigh or relief. I think I have successfully broken in my new reeds...they from Argentina--Gonzalez brand with the nickname of "For Our Friends," or "F.O.F!" I don't think I have ever tried new reeds. Maybe like once. Like I said in another post, I've never been an equipment junkie. Now I might be having fun with it. These reeds are awesome! I am definitely noticing a big difference in projection in orchestra. Clarinet players--give it a try! It plays a full size down from your blue box Vandorens. So a FOF 3=Vandoren 4. It did take awhile to break in, but I think its safe to give the preliminary review an excited thumbs up! Did you know that most clarinetists have a deformed right thumb? So, I give it a deformed thumb up! Hehehe! <--that is true. It's because the weight of the instrument weighs on the right thumb. It is kind of nasty. Well my dears, Minneapolis did receive like 2 feet of snow, just a few days after spring tried to happen. (55, I think, one day...) So I actually got really m0pey about it. AND it prevented Bob & my one month duet anniversary. Sad.

Oh my goodness...yesterday was not so good. Haven't had a BAD day for awhile. It was due to a high school kid. Hate to let it get to me, but despite my best efforts, I couldn't recover from an incident that happened around 1 pm, and it totally ruined my day. Like: agitated, pissed, exhausted, confused, disheartened, etc, etc, etc...ugh! BUT, friend was unable to attend rehearsal last evening so I did need to go in order to cover all his parts, plus my own, so I had to attend the rehearsal...no way out. But, with my FOFs (i LOVE saying that!) and a mixture of Malcolm Arnold, COPLAND, and LeRoy Anderson, all was good again in the world. Seriously...something about Copland that makes the bloodpressure get back to normal. The harmonies are so wide open and I just looooove playing the clarinet parts in all of his pieces. Plus, I really enjoy the folks in my section. Since it is a "local" orchestra, we have musicians from every walk of life. Which definitely came out when the percussionist asked if any music teacher in the group would let him borrow a slide whistle. About 10 people raised their hand to offer their whistles, and then one person said, "i have one in my trunk right now!" And I turned around and said, "I have jingle bells in my trunk!" (True.) She replied with "I have a vibraslap." And then lady next to me says, "I have handcuffs. They're evidence in a court case!" Because she's a judge! OMG! We got in trouble giggling.

Sometimes I forget when I'm teaching how important the social aspect of music/dance class is. And it weirds me out that I forget this. Because one reason I looooove playing in ensembles and going to dance class is the camaraderie involved. Especially when there is suckiness happening. There is no bond stronger than two bad ballet dancers, supporting each other through hellish classes, week after week. Trust me. Same thing with band and orchestra. The support from peers is essential. I remember learning the technical terms for this experience in some Ed Psych class in school. Too bad I can't remember it to really impress you all!

Anyhoo...I will try to remember this next time I monotonely say "thetalkingneedstostop..." in my classes! Hehehe!

xo

a sobering experience.

Last night we went to hear a performance of the Minnesota Orchestra. The concert was:

Prokofiev "Love for Three Oranges"

Kalevi Aho "Clarinet Concerto" w/Martin Frost

Brahms Symph. No. 4

It. Was. EXCELLENT.

Now, I'm not a big drinker. If you know me, you know I quite enjoy one glass of wine... and a nap. Haha! I am exaggerating only a little bit. Anyway, husband and I arrived early and decided on having a beverage prior to the concert...

Okay, skip to the Aho piece. Martin Frost is a combination of Elvis, Benny Goodman, and Lady GaGa. Oh yeah, and he is a RIDICULOUS clarinetist.

He wore a disco-tuxedo. Black with WHITE trim outlining the cut of the suit. Ah, Scandinavians.

The concerto was one of those "this is everything the instrument is capable of" pieces. It started in a frenzy, then calmed down 30 minutes later. Which is not easy for a clarinetist--to have the slow, controlled section at the END. The piece had everything--double tonguing, flutter tonguing, crazy trills while pecking out a melody three octaves lower (sounds like two clarinets at the same time, very cool effect, very tricky business, though...) tons of bends--TONS of bends--and then a movement almost entirely of multiphonics. So, I am not worthy. In fact, who is? I would LOVE to see a copy of the music though. That would certainly be interesting.

Needless to say, I was completely sober after the first 12 bars of the concerto. (Not that I would know, but...) it's like when you realize you are in trouble and, bam: ...sober! Well it took 12 bars, but I definitely realized I was in trouble. 30 minutes later I picked my jaw up off the floor. Then that crazy man played an encore--with the orchestra. A KLEZMER piece! Aaaah!

And then it was blissful Brahms and then we went home and now it's going to snow 14+ inches AGAIN.

And there you have it: the full update!

xoxo

does this make my butt look fat?

How rude of a title! Somehow I got myself into a predicament. How many times have you said to yourself, "Why do I keep doing this to myself!" And the answer is, "because you can't otherwise get a gig." Hahah! Just kidding. Well, uh, yeah...about all those gigs falling in my lap... Anyway! I used to think "Why do I keep doing this to myself???!" about SEVERAL things.

Examples:

1. Taking lessons with people that scare you--or master classes. That's what you're supposed to do, right? Yes. But, for me, it never became less stressful. At the height of stress in those situations--I would quit talking for most of the day! I just couldn't talk to people! I was SOOOO preoccupied with the task at hand. And, thankfully, I NEVER fell on my face or anything--so it was just my way of dealing with tons of stress. I am thinking in particular of a time that I accompanied a friend to an audition at Juilliard and I took a lesson, just for the hell of it that night. Yep...couldn't talk to friend past about 1 pm. I was ready to die! And I thought, "Why do you keep doing this to yourself?" (Because it pays off...I think I played pretty well...Copland Concerto if I remember correctly...then that's how I found my teacher for grad school! Scholarship and all...siiiiiigh...!)

2. Doing one's own programming of a recital. Because you never cut yourself any slack. My last recital in school (2007) I had to hobble off stage after the last piece because I pulled a muscle or something during the last crescendo. I know, I know, FML!!! Such a loser! But I had programmed something like 7 pieces, which when you add all the movements, was like two hours of music. So dumb.

3. Saying YES. Since moving back to Minnesota, I said YES to involvement in arts admin jobs (for pay and no pay) which required hours and hours of work outside my full time job, which everyone knows--teaching is MORE than a full time job. (except June-July-August--can't wait, and no I don't feel guilty...!) It led me to some performance opportunities (paid very nicely, and sometimes not...) and also even a guest-lecture engagement. But it was all traveling and I was just absolutely crazy for agreeing to any of it (except the performing.) But I was still in the mindset of "moving up, up, up!" Like in school. Not gonna do that anymore--no, sir! Due to this epiphany of not needing to always have impressive credentials, etc., I am only saying yes to performing or teaching. You guys, this is was very difficult recently because I said NO to a Council spot for St Paul Chamber Orchestra. But I DO NOT have interest in arts admin. I don't want to raise money as my primary occupation. I don't want to run around telling people to save the arts. So annoying! I will do my part, if/when the time is right for that type of thing, but I'm not going to chase that occupation. Ugh! Not my thaaang. Anyhoo...teaching=yes. Performing=yes. All else=NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

4. Playing E-flat clarinet. Okay, I don't know how this even happened. I think it did actually just fall into my lap. Haha! First of all, that little thing is evil. Yes, it is small, cute, it has tiny little keys and tiny little everything, and you have to buy tiny little reeds. Awwww, so sweet. Until you hear it. Loud and God-awful! I'm playing it on a piece by Moncayo--called "Huapango." It hurts my face. Ah, the clarinet family.

xo

happy valentines--6 days ago!

And how did you spend your Valentine's Day? This year, I had a great day. It started with me calling in sick. Following that, I did our taxes and other terrible tasks. 5 pm, unshowered and low-down, husband comes home early from work--with beautiful flowers!!!!! Roses in lots of different colors without that dastardly baby's breath! We went to dinner at WinzerStube. A German spot in Hudson, WI, about 30 minutes away. Lovely all around. Because what says "I love you" better than a schnitzel with spaetzel and sauerkraut?

Happy Late Valentines/Singles Awareness Day!

interdisciplinary

went to a ballet class yesterday morning (can't walk today...) and it was GREAT. i have NEVER been "the good dancer" in the class, but i do LOVE it. the music: chopin, tchaikovsky, prokofiev, others...is a huge reason i get so much out of the classes! i love the accompanists, too. when i took classes my freshman year of college at st. olaf, my friend sam was our accompanist! i will always remember him playing "in a sentimental mood" (one of my favorite standards!) for the adagio. in boston, our accompanist was an older gentleman who was blind! i would see him come down the street with his cane, find his way to the theater door, down the hall and step into the studio. can you imagine? class in st. paul on saturday mornings (the later class) is accompanied by a crazy person. 100%. but: very VERY good pianist. just a little scary, though. seems like one of those cases of talented classical musicians gone crazy later in life. (i remember a certain violin teacher at hartt telling me how sad it was that so many musicians go crazy later in life, after so much devotion, going through so much, then not "making it"-->then they seriously lose it...ugh...) the girl for my class yesterday is just a sweet, young, good pianist. not crazy. i think i'll stick with this class.

ballet has influenced my clarinet playing since the beginning. if my fingers get locked and crazy from a difficult passage, i change my mindset to dance, (the graceful part of it, not the strained muscles part) and i dare say the passage becomes easier. "looking through a different lens."

but, wait? how is clarinet going? actually...it's going! yes, i have been practicing, sort of. it still counts if its not 4 hours everyday, right? i've been doing an hour here and there. still waiting for my new reeds to arrive. where are they?! i sound like poo poo! and as i usually do, "I blame it on the reeds!" ok gotta go--it's duet sunday!

xoxo

the best note of the concerto

for the past week or so i've been thinking "everything's been going so well!" positive post after positive post! bracing for, well, you know...the honeymoon period to wear off, shall we say. and it's definitely not totally worn off. but let me break this down for you:

wind chill in minneapolis is about -25.

up at 5:15, home by 7ish (had to finish tons of grading/entering grades/prepping at school)

7ish=very tired already

**little voice in head is back with a vengeance telling me to practice all day**

7ish: tidy up my house, including bedroom and kitchen <---what i do when i procrastinate (EVERY time!)

then finally...i did it. no big deal! pretty painless. maybe only 45 minutes.

okay, in the paragraph above, between the up at 5:15, home by 7ish, please enter: teach 7 classes and around 130 middle school and high school students. this will include the good, the bad, and the ugly.

the good=won't stop knocking on my door during lunch b/c they want to practice soooo bad, even though i taped a sign that says "sorry, no lunch time practicing today, ms light is having quiet time"

the bad=8th grader, omg, pull your pants UP, you are traumatizing your dear, dear teacher! (student responds, "it's not the 80's!" ????)

the ugly="were you sick yesterday?" "no, i am sad. i am having bad experiences right now." "your family?" "no, i don't have a family here." student is from another country, living with another family. i didn't pry more than that, but student is visibly pained. emotional toll on teacher.

okaaaaaaaaaay....all this ---->go home and practice???? aaaaaaah! I can't! I won't! Let me go to sleeeeeeeeeeep!

That was old mentality. for 2.5 years. (first years on the job!) tonight it WAS more therapeutic. just how i aimed it to be! and YES i played bach. and how AMAZING is that music? and yes, i even practiced what was on my little list for bob. heheheh!

also ordered new reeds today...another sure sign of commitment! now, i have never been an "equipment junky," as i like to call them. i don't care about the latest and greatest thing. but, now that i'm relaxing a bit with my playing, maybe i will become an EJ after all. it's kind of fun! for example, i have played blue box vandoren reeds FOREVER. no complaints from anyone (teachers, etc) so why switch? same thing with mouth pieces. my yamaha custom (refaced by old teacher) lasted me for years and years and years. so, it is really weird for me to order really freaky reeds. they are called gonzalez something reeds. they are from argentina and they have the nickname of F.O.F., or "for our friends." they do come highly recommended from trusted sources, so we'll see...i'll let ya know if it's worth the $$.

i am sharing a picture with you of a note i wrote in one of the pieces i picked up tonight. can you tell the piece? i loooooove going through old pieces/etudes and seeing what notes i wrote in, or what tips my teacher wrote to me. brings back lots of memories. this is from a moment that i particularly loved to play in one of the central works for any clarinetist. note the heart i put over the sweetest note in the phrase. just to remind myself that's the best note of the concerto.

xoxo

riot @ concert

uff da! last night ben & i went to an orchestra concert. it was the competition winners concert and it featured NINE musicians in two categories: amateur and emerging professional. it was mainly vocalists, but it also featured a cellist, trombonist, and two pianists. NO wind players. ???

we sat in the back row of a little church. concert starts with a soprano aria. baby in lobby is making weird bird sounds. next movement of aria begins--slow, and beautiful. baby continues bird sounds. more like amazon bird sounds. the entire audience is trying not to be mad at a baby, but is visibly getting tense and glancing at the door. third and fourth movements come and go. baby thinks aria needs even more jungle noises and gets louder and louder. (omg--what was the mother thinking!!!!) people in audience are shaking their heads. then cellist comes out to perform dvorak. baby doesn't stop. cellist actually LOOKS UP. last straw! after he was done i ran out into the lobby, grabbed the usher, and as i opened my mouth to speak, he says "can you hear the baby?" i say, "is that a joke?" ugh! so he runs after the mother and amazon baby, i take my seat, people turn to thank me (haha!) and then we hear YELLING! as in the mother yelling at the usher!!!! i started to get the fight or flight response. as did the piano teacher sitting next to me, (the two pianists featured were her students.) man. i think i will enter the competition, but first i will write to the symphony and ask them to draft a new crying baby policy.

in other news, it is duet sunday! b0b & i are digging into the covegno piece. it has some tricksy parts, but man does it feel good to work on something again! i think both of us have accepted the fact that we are expecting ourselves to practice during the week! haha! SO, i have my little list of pages i promised to focus on. and THAT totally brings me back to the good old days of lessons--except then it wasn't a *little* list. and not preparing everything perfectly wasn't an option.

the past couple days i have noticed more crappy things about my playing than nice things. aaaaand i'm going to attribute that to my ears and mind getting more tuned in again. i was probably crappy that first real practice back, but i was concentrating at that time on the fact that i was actually playing. how embarassing! anyhoo...i have emailed my old old teacher about new reeds and maybe even mouthpieces. this might not be the best time for mouthpieces, since i'm just getting my embouchure back, but reeds couldn't hurt in the meantime.

hey--remember that feeling you'd get walking out of a lesson? usually a small sense of accomplishment and improvement? felt that old familiar feeling after duet sunday today. i have sooo missed that feeling. know what i mean?

moving forward.

xo

so fresh & so clean!

breaking news! i totally practiced this afternoon. this is big. aaaaand my face hurts now. a little overwhelmed with my current state of suckiness--but it could be worse! oh yes, it could be worse! i was working on a piece bob gave me--can't remember the italian off the top of my head, but translates to "conversations" for 2 clarinets. noticed it was written for ayako and charles neidich, who i believe qualify as my clarinet teacher aunt/uncle. i don't know...maybe charles neidich is my grand-teacher. can't remember if my teachers studied with him or not. i think...just played together with him. anyway, why am i talking about this. because i have practice-endorphines, that's why! it's awesome.

my one (coherent) observation during clarinet time today: it's really been *awhile* and now is probably a good time to make sure i don't go back to old ridiculous playing habits like lazy articulation and half-assed counting, etc. haha! that is why i feel so fresh & so clean! old habits are feeling VERY OLD! talk about turning a new leaf! feels good! and the piece is fun, too. F Major, very clarinetty, a few definite practice-worthy spots, a few spots that will still suck for duet time tomorrow, but overall: very happy, suckiness not withstanding.

Another thank you for all the amazing words of encouragement. You guys have given me some sweet energy to get moving! xoxoxo

Merci!

Everyone,

Before I say anything more about getting my clarinet groove back, I need to say THANK YOU for your responses. Oh. My. GOD! Amazing. I think most of them went to my Facebook inbox, but I kind of wish you could all see them here. Because we all need encouragement! Last night I invited about 10 friends to read my first post. The 10ish people on the list are totally my safety net for this blog. People who I thought would benefit, identify, or who "knew me when." The safest, most supportive people. And it was scary as hell just clicking "send" to them! But then I started to get some major warm fuzzies back. And I thank you so, so, so, so, so much. You have given me some good energy to get this going!

Then Bob asked to post the blog on his Facebook. First thought: heck no! Second thought: it's okay, the more the merrier, and I really do think a lot of people out there can identify with this predicament. And he already tells me that some strangers out there are into this. So thank you, too! :)

Kinda feeling like the pressure is on for a sweet second post. Don't get too excited. I shall now tell you about my current day job. I teach 6-12th grade. I teach HS Piano 1, Piano 2, Choir, MS General Music (much like piano 1, plus guitar, some wildly exciting powerpoints on world music and other random musical things, and a little singing...) and...6th grade beginning band, which I begged to start this year. We are on a semester schedule, so I recently got a whole new crop of students. Here are some things that really do it for me, teaching-wise:

1. Perfectionist-ism: within the general population of a "normal" classroom, a whole bunch of kids don't care if they get an A, B, C, D and so forth on a test. Put a piano piece in front of them, and if they miss ONE note, screwing up the melody, they are not satisfied and they start all over. They are striving for 100% accuracy, and they don't even realize it.

2. Bandies: my 6th graders are SO excited to figure out how their instrument works, how to play songs, etc. Even the shy kids I can tell are secretly excited to find success on their instrument. I am already seeing it in week 2.

3. First Note As An Ensemble Experience: do you remember the first time you played with a band or orchestra? Or even your first sound in a new organization? I remember the first sounds of Civic Concert Band in my hometown when I was 13, I also remember the first sound of a sweet youth orchestra I was in in Minneapolis as a senior in high school, the first sound of the Boston Conservatory Orchestra (I noticed then how amazing the horns were...right before they deported that poor kid for faking his audition CD<---remember that?? Yikes...) etc... SO, first notes are exciting for me. And in 6th grade, the kids aren't prepared for that moment. But when it comes, it is a big surprise to them and it is always satisfying for me, too. Sorry so sappy.

4. The students that say, "I'm in love with this piece!"

5. The kids that have been given up on so many times, that are able (and willing!) to sit at the keyboard and plunk out Rihanna songs, and then ask for Fur Elise for an entire hour.

Now, my job is no walk in the park. I've been called a bitch twice last semester by my wonderful students. (I am soooo not a bitch teacher, I don't think...) and other generic middle school/high school BS. But as they say, focus on the good.

I usually leave my house around 6:45 am and get home any time between 4:00-6 depending on...how fast I move myself out of the school. This is my third year. When I get home, I am usually totally exhausted. And teaching music all day to 150 students means that I really enjoy silence after the 3:20 bell. No music. Not all the time, but you know what I mean. Herein lies part of the problem. This is what my wish is currently: to get back to the point where "practicing" (I use the quotes because I'm...oh God this is going to sound so dumb...I'm one of those people who never thought of it so much as practicing as I did PLAYING...yes, it was fun for me, almost always...there, make fun...) to get back to the point where playing is calming. Just calming.

There is a Hilary Hahn quote that stuck with me for a long time, especially during college. She said "I only practice on the days I eat." I loved that quote back in the day! So intense! So hardcore! So...unhealthy. Now we know the importance of breaks. A day. A weekend. A summer. Whatever. So, I don't like all those intense quotes anymore. I don't want to get back to drilling Daphnis, or forcing stupid Nielsen down my throat, or learning Martino because it's the hard piece everybody else good is doing...I want to get back to Bach partitias. And Rose etudes. And that's kind of it for now. Just calm, good stuff for the clarinet soul.