
Examples:
1. Taking lessons with people that scare you--or master classes. That's what you're supposed to do, right? Yes. But, for me, it never became less stressful. At the height of stress in those situations--I would quit talking for most of the day! I just couldn't talk to people! I was SOOOO preoccupied with the task at hand. And, thankfully, I NEVER fell on my face or anything--so it was just my way of dealing with tons of stress. I am thinking in particular of a time that I accompanied a friend to an audition at Juilliard and I took a lesson, just for the hell of it that night. Yep...couldn't talk to friend past about 1 pm. I was ready to die! And I thought, "Why do you keep doing this to yourself?" (Because it pays off...I think I played pretty well...Copland Concerto if I remember correctly...then that's how I found my teacher for grad school! Scholarship and all...siiiiiigh...!)
2. Doing one's own programming of a recital. Because you never cut yourself any slack. My last recital in school (2007) I had to hobble off stage after the last piece because I pulled a muscle or something during the last crescendo. I know, I know, FML!!! Such a loser! But I had programmed something like 7 pieces, which when you add all the movements, was like two hours of music. So dumb.
3. Saying YES. Since moving back to Minnesota, I said YES to involvement in arts admin jobs (for pay and no pay) which required hours and hours of work outside my full time job, which everyone knows--teaching is MORE than a full time job. (except June-July-August--can't wait, and no I don't feel guilty...!) It led me to some performance opportunities (paid very nicely, and sometimes not...) and also even a guest-lecture engagement. But it was all traveling and I was just absolutely crazy for agreeing to any of it (except the performing.) But I was still in the mindset of "moving up, up, up!" Like in school. Not gonna do that anymore--no, sir! Due to this epiphany of not needing to always have impressive credentials, etc., I am only saying yes to performing or teaching. You guys, this is was very difficult recently because I said NO to a Council spot for St Paul Chamber Orchestra. But I DO NOT have interest in arts admin. I don't want to raise money as my primary occupation. I don't want to run around telling people to save the arts. So annoying! I will do my part, if/when the time is right for that type of thing, but I'm not going to chase that occupation. Ugh! Not my thaaang. Anyhoo...teaching=yes. Performing=yes. All else=NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
4. Playing E-flat clarinet. Okay, I don't know how this even happened. I think it did actually just fall into my lap. Haha! First of all, that little thing is evil. Yes, it is small, cute, it has tiny little keys and tiny little everything, and you have to buy tiny little reeds. Awwww, so sweet. Until you hear it. Loud and God-awful! I'm playing it on a piece by Moncayo--called "Huapango." It hurts my face. Ah, the clarinet family.
xo
Your E-flat clarinet spiel made me laugh a lot. A lot.
ReplyDeleteGeeta, I am glad my pain makes you laugh! Heheh! It might be compared to you having to play a 1/4 size violin. IN ORCHESTRA. It's like, "conductor, I'm sorry, this will never sound good...ehhh!" They should hire a child. :) Miss ya
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